Improvement vs. Ego (Remastered)
Hey New Wave Coaches,
Doing a little something new. Here is my first ever Substack post from 2020. And below is a remastered version. I’m going to re-write a few for everyone for 2 reasons:
Some of you want to start creating and need to know it’s okay to suck at first
Some of my original work has never been seen because nobody was subscribed to this newsletter when I first started writing
I think there is value in both. Most of you are only here for one of the above and if it’s valuable, it’s getting shared. Anyway, read the original in the above link or skip it and read the better one below.
Imagine you’re the guy from this popular meme…
It seems obvious to hit the “Actually Improve” button when given the choice. However, our players are sweating bullets and often choosing to hit the wrong button.
When a coach gives you some feedback, it is human nature to respond one of these ways:
Fault finding
Blaming
Complaining
Defending
Let’s walk through what those might look and sound like. Awareness of them allows us to catch ourselves engaging. Then we can change our behavior.
Fault Finding
When some asshole(your coach) gives you feedback, it’s easy to start fault-finding. Especially if this coach doesn’t model the standards himself. But even if you are a New Wave Coach and model the behaviors you wish to see from your players, they still will fault find. It’s human nature. It might sound like this:
“This guy wants to skate us as punishment in 2022, does he have a fucking clue? Guy probably can’t walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. Fuck this guy.”
“Coach thinks I came into training camp overweight, look in the mirror buddy. Fucking hypocrite.”
Your coach may be a fat fuck but you still have a responsibility to yourself. It’s easy to fault find, it’s harder to find the truth in what he might be telling you. At the end we will share some mindset shifts you can make as a player. Let’s move to the 2nd behavior to avoid.
Blaming/Complaining/Defending
It’s easy to be a victim. When your coach says something stupid like, “you can’t turn the puck over there.”
It’s easy to assign blame to someone else. Instead of immediately sewering a teammate by complaining that he wasn’t in a great support area and defending that assertion to your coach… Pause.
There is so much at play here:
Your coach said his feedback in a way to get you on the defensive, there is actually a reason you want to defend yourself.
Your coach didn’t ask what you saw, he has no idea what play you were trying to make and instead is trying to control the situation as much as possible by saying something black and white. You can’t do X in that spot.
Even if your coach sucks, you still have a personal responsibility to pause and handle the situation in a constructive manner. Assigning blame, complaining about teammates or defending yourself aren’t something that a player that takes responsibility would do
This is why you need to pause, you need time to let the immediate emotional rush pass over you. Observe how you’re feeling. Then act in a way that is constructive, not destructive.
Okay, great. So what can I do? Here are a few mindset tricks you can put into play.
A Change in Mindset
Understand that your ego has been bruised when a coach gives feedback. Your ego is your image. You think of yourself as a hockey player first when you’re on the rink. So when a certain play isn’t good enough, you feel the sting.
Feedback comes from imperfect people. Your coach could be a complete donkey or someone that you love and respect. In either case, when feedback is given, treat it like clothing. You have to try it on. Like a shirt at the store, before your ego says, "what does he know?" and disregards the information… See if it fits, or ask, how good does this feedback fit?
Your job isn't to get defensive, your job as the receiver is to create an action plan to make yourself better, right away. Engage in the discomfort of that conversation with your coach or boss, it will serve you better than ejecting from the conversation and complaining about it later.