Improvement vs. Ego (how to fight human nature)
Do you believe in improvement or do you believe in ego?
What if it was binary and you could only choose one?
When there is critical feedback given, the receivers human nature is to:
immediately find fault in the imperfections of the person giving you feedback
blame
complain
defend
That is your ego being hurt. That voice isn't the best version of you. That voice isn't going to take the next steps towards getting any better.
Feedback comes from imperfect people but the pre-agreement or expectations must be as follows…
When someone is reaching out to you, they are trying to give you information to make you better.
You should pause and try the feedback on… Like a shirt at the store before your ego just says, "what does he know?" and disregards the information. It's human nature to feel a little defensive, but you don't have to act on that. You get to choose how to respond.
Your job isn't to get defensive, your job as the receiver is to create an action plan to make yourself better, right away. Engage in the discomfort of that conversation with your coach or boss, it will serve you better than ejecting from the conversation and complaining about it later.
Adam’s Idea
If you believe in improvement, you'll even go as far as to seek out these critical and difficult feedback scenarios. It is an accelerator, don't believe me... Ask Adam Grant.
Youngest tenured senior professor at Wharton... How did he get there just before the age of 28?
After every single teaching lecture, he sent his students a google form or email asking for their most ruthless feedback about where his teaching can improve.
Every lecture, for years.
He took the opinions of his students and kept improving on his shortcomings.
Rinse and repeat.
Take Another Approach
Maybe you don't send a google form or email after every practice, but can you check it at a greater frequency than you currently are. Here are some questions you could ask:
What should I start doing as a coach to improve your experience?
What is one thing you don't like about my coaching that I should stop doing and why?
What is one thing that you really like about my coaching I can double down on?
How can I be better for you personally?
What do you think the team needs more of from me that I'm not doing?
When you have a clear vision of where you want to go, getting the right feedback can be an accelerator to your intended results.
But only if you dampen the part of your ego that blames, complains, and defends.
Do you believe in improvement or ego?