The Struggle: "The Weight"
‘The Weight’ is the cumulative stress and anxiety brought upon by caring deeply about people, and the impact and influence your role has on them. I believe this to be true of both emotionally intelligent coaches and those who display more narcissistic patterns (they do care underneath all the snarling and ego).
As we’ll explore throughout this chapter, your ability to navigate The Weight probably has a larger impact on your coaching performance than any game plan or recruiting strategy ever will. And, if not approached in the right way, with the right tools and the right support infrastructure, your battles with yourself can start to become incapacitating.
Cody Royle from his new book, The Tough Stuff.
27 years old. Halfway through my 2nd full season as a head coach. Should have been the time of my life.
But the boldfaced last sentence of that book excerpt was ringing more true than ever.
My battles with myself were ruining me. I had no energy at the rink or at home. I was skipping workouts at an alarming rate for someone who graduated with a degree in strength and conditioning and loved the gym.
My phone conversations with my girlfriend were mostly complaining and emotionally volatile. My in-person conversations with my coaching staff were incredibly cynical. Complaining about a job I was lucky to have. Complaining about being a “hockey coach.” When I look back on it, I can’t believe it was me.
But honestly, it wasn’t me…
I was absolutely lost. Crushed and transformed by “The Weight.”
I don’t recognize that person anymore.
It didn’t matter that my curriculum for player development was progressive. It didn’t matter that we had done right by a few players that had them called up to the next level. It didn’t matter that I had a “dream job.”
Because I wasn’t right. And when you’re not right, nothing is right.
Become familiar with “The Weight” and “The Struggle.”
Know what they look like, where they come up, what they sound like, what your habits are under stress, etc. Know what you don’t want and avoid it. Classic inversion.
Anti-Goal: Don’t get crushed by “The Weight”
Like Cody says at the top:
And, if not approached in the right way, with the right tools and the right support infrastructure, your battles with yourself can start to become incapacitating.
Find the right way, the right tools, and the right support structure. If you don’t intentionally set up this system, prepare to have “The Weight” crush you.
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