The Struggle: The 2 Emotions in 1 Night
Here’s that quote again.
On an evening in September of 2018, I coached my first junior hockey game as “head coach.”
Every day that week, I imagined what it would be like to be the “bench boss” for the first time. I had about 3 months of experience as an assistant coach the previous year but coaching the defenseman was different than making: in-game adjustments, line matching(if I was going to do that), keeping guys up on the bench, watching what the other team was doing and if that deviated from the pre-scout, communicating with my assistant coach, and the 100 other things you have to be aware of in-game.
The night started out great, we were an expansion team in a dog fight against the previous year’s division winner. Our starting goaltender who was a tier 3 cast off by 5 teams was playing great and the boys wanted to play well in front of him.
There’s such a buzz about being in a tie game late into the 3rd period. You can just feel this wobbling balance between euphoria and terror. It’s exhilarating.
We ended up winning the game in a dramatic fashion. Our first win in our history, our goalie’s first junior hockey win as a starter, and my first win as a head coach.
We gave our goalie the game puck and emotions overcame him. He gave a little speech and started crying. I saw a kid that we put our heart and soul in over the summer, we trained together to get him ready, we gave him confidence that this was his year and he went out and played the game of his life that night.
When he started crying, I stopped pacing around the middle of the room and just squatted down and looked at the floor. I had tears welling up in my eyes after seeing our goalie get emotional. I stopped and thought, “wow, this is such an incredible moment, and it’s just game 1.”
I went home after grabbing some food and went to bed. I was emotionally spent. I threw my phone on airplane mode and slept all night.
When I woke up and my phone returned to getting service… The terror emotion that I’ve never felt jumped to the forefront of my being.
I had a few missed calls and text messages from the owner of the team. They were urgent. This is never good for the record.
I called him back and he answered. One of our players was arrested just a few hours after the game.
The terror jumped 10 levels higher.
He said he was dealing with it and we would have a team meeting the following day.
24 hours later, another one of my players got arrested.
Another phone call from the owner in sheer disbelief. The terror was off the charts.
On Saturday night, I had one of the greatest experiences of my life up to that point and 48 hours later, our team was never the same.
Massive euphoria was quickly replaced by terror, all in a matter of hours.
My heart jumped for the rest of the year when my owner called. Even when he would text me just to say he wanted to talk hockey or something else, it would spike my cortisol every time his name hit my phone screen.
We answered the phone with the greeting, “good news only” for the next 2 years. Hi or hello was out of the question.
The Lesson:
Being a head coach is hard. You will feel massive euphoria in one moment and then the floor just drops out beneath your feet. It’s hard to explain what it feels like when you get those massive swings but even if you think you’re ready, they’ll catch you off guard.
Be aware that these things happen. Don’t wait around for the other shoe to drop. But you can run a few scenarios before the year starts so if something does happen, it isn’t quite as shocking.
We actually talked about and planned for it 3 months earlier on a scouting trip to Denver and it was still shocking to hear. You’re never fully ready. Improvisation and “doing your best” are required.
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