I had some time to watch The Social Dilemma this weekend.
I kept thinking about a mental model and a conversation I had with a coach when it was over.
In his book, Conscious Coaching, Brett gives us a 3R mental model to connect with our athletes. I couldn't help but think it was similar to what the AI is doing on some of the social media sites to keep you engaged. But I think we as humans and good coaches have a separator if we choose to use it.
Research
Research is asking questions to gather information about the athlete. AI can find this out just based on your internet habits, but coaches can bring this out by asking questions.
What do they care about?
Why are they here?
Why do they play this sport?
What is their background?
Do they have brothers and sisters?
What part of the country are they from?
Relate
Relating is about being vulnerable. This is what AI can't do.
Share information with them about times that you overcame adversity, or how your why aligns with theirs, or that you came from a similar background and found a way out.
Reframe
Reframing is about speaking their language. Just as the AI learns about you and keeps suggesting cat videos(no judgement), great coaches can also find out what's important to their athletes and interact in a way that is meaningful to them.
The player might not be supplied with cat videos from the coaching staff, but they might be more willing to take the coach's advice in the future because they have had multiple conversations using this 3R model.
Learning from a Coach
The 2nd thing I took away relates to R1, Research.
I had a conversation with an AHL head coach this summer and one piece of advice that stuck with me was to keep a coaching journal.
Not to store drills, but to document which players you talked to and what you talked to them about. This again is what AI is doing. It's documenting what sites you visit, for how long, and what keeps you engaged on them. It's taking notes on you.
The more information a coach remembers about previous conversations with players, the more space you’ve created for it to compound. When you remember what you talked about, you can take certain conversations to deeper and more meaningful places.
Did what you spoke about with them engage them or bore them?
Would they stay on that "conversational webpage"?
If they love talking about their golf game, you should stay curious about that next time.
If they don't like talking about their family... first ask yourself why don't they? If you didn't have time for a long conversation, you can jot down what you need to relate to them next time by expressing vulnerability about your family.
It's something I didn't do in my previous role but will start doing in my next one.
Use this documentary and documented conversation for good. To help. To build trust.
Research, Relate, Reframe. Keep a journal of your research. Improve your relationships.
Excellent pointers. Thanks!