Over the last two weeks, the community has lost more than a few subscribers.
Which I don’t care about.
I tell you that because also in the last 2 weeks, email responses to the newsletter are way up.
Which I DO care about.
And a question was posed to me in one of those replies to our Social Media article.
I wasn’t sure what I’d get from this after reading the title, but am glad I opened and read it!
How do you think these experiences have shaped your last two years professionally?
I knew it was going to be a lengthy email reply so instead of replying, I asked if I could do a newsletter article about it so it can be open-sourced to all of you.
Here is how my story and experiences have shaped my last 2 years…
1. I Became “That Coach”
There’s an old saying (I think) that someone utters to themselves after getting to a bad place.
“I’ve become the thing I hated.”
I started my head coaching career at 25 with a clear vision that my 2nd college coach was the biggest anti-mentor of my life. I wasn’t going to coach kids the way he did. I wasn’t going to treat people the way he did.
And as Mike Tyson says, “Everyone has a plan, until you get punched in the mouth.”
After winning our first game, we started losing… A lot.
And that gets to a 25-year-old coach with no perspective and an identity that’s wrapped up in being a “coach.”
And as the season wore on, I went from being a “players coach” to a “coach the players hated.” And for good reason. I become the monster. I became everything I hated.
I had a plan to be a great coach… Then I got punched in the mouth for 2 years.
What Did I Do/Learn?
Create space. Take a year off coaching, or two…
It takes about 6 months to come to terms with the fact that you became the guy you said you didn’t want to be, and then another 6 months to rework your identity back to a “human being that happens to like coaching hockey.”
2. I Got Very Clear
I knew I wanted to take one year off coaching and then try to become an assistant at the next level up.
At least I thought that… Until I interviewed with some coaches.
Then I had a different idea.
I’m not getting back into the game until it’s the “right fit.”
Mark Baker has a quote that stuck with me for the last 2 years:
Get rid of the shit in your life, don’t spray the shit with perfume.
After interviewing with some college and NAHL coaches, I realized that the advancement to a “legitimate level of hockey” was what I thought I wanted… Not what I actually wanted.
Getting a fancier jacket with a better league logo on the other side of the jacket would be “spraying my life with perfume, but the shit was still going to be there.”
What was the shit?
One coach asked me to be a “bad cop” this year so he could be a “good cop.” Sounds like an awful job to me.
One coach said he wasn’t worried about player development because he needed to overrecruit and cut kids to turn over the roster. He “couldn’t work with what he had… I told him that is exactly what happened to me and we hung up pretty quick after that
Learning and Shaping
After interviewing with other coaches in the field, this was the epiphany:
So maybe getting a job in hockey isn’t worth stepping on all of your value systems just to have a “job in hockey.”
“Paying your dues” by working with people you don’t align with is spraying your life with perfume… But all the shit is still there.
Put most succinctly by an unknown source (hat tip to same reader for sending me this quote)
“Don’t ever work for someone you don’t want to become.”
3. I’m Running My Own Race
2 years ago I would do anything it took to climb the coaching ladder and go from tier 3 to the NHL like Jon Cooper. I compared myself to others and I was miserable.
Today I want to coach a 12u academy team and stay with them all the way through 16u(if they leave for the USHL) or 18u(if they don’t). I want to play a long-term game with a select few hockey players and really test my ability to coach.
And I want to keep writing to this community.
That’s a life where I get rid of the “shit.”
Not spray it with perfume.
Question To-Go
I’m flipping our New Wave Coach’s question from me and to you…
What’s your story and how has it shaped your last two years?