I’ve written a shorter ebook about “realizations and change.” It’s completed and will be out early next year. But I wanted to share a preview with you and make the book available to the CHP community a few months early. Here’s the intro and part of chapter 1.
What do you want?
Get out a piece of paper and pen.
We are starting already.
What do you want?
Write it down.
Got some words or things down on the paper yet?
Now next to what you want, write down “why” you want it.
Now why do you want that?
If you can’t stay with me for 3 layers…
Close the book.
You’re not gonna make it through. Ask me for your money back. I’ll refund you.
This activity is the heart of where we are going. If you’ve brushed through the words, go back to the top, get out paper and pen and go 3 layers deep with yourself.
Because your first layer of what you want is going to be surface level bullshit.
I want to help people. I want to make a difference, etc…
Your second layer will be an answer that is “success.”
Success is the metrics that serve the ego.
I want to climb the ladder. To coach or play at the “X level. To have people recognize me. To make a shit load of money.
But the last “why” might get you to the magic, or you might have to ask why a few more times, but you’ll know when you get there.
Significance sounds and feels different.
Significance is internal. It serves the “self.” And not the “self” as in it only serves you selfishly… No. It serves your actual self. Your spirit. It fills you up, makes you feel whole.
The kind of shit you jump out of bed for, the shit that makes you feel alive.
Significance feels different. Because we don’t really aim at it. We’re too busy chasing success to realize that it is a shitty game with a shitty prize.
According to Jay Campbell, human beings are here to do 3 things:
When you’re open to and practicing these 3 things, significance will not be something you have to chase down or “climb the ladder” to get. You’ll attract it.
When you decide to start playing the infinite game of significance, you’ll be playing the better game with better prizes.
So think back to the first activity from above…
Where are you currently aiming?
Are you playing the right game?
Do you need to exit that arena and enter a new one?
Let’s start playing the right game.
Chapter 1: The Success Staircase
(photo credit: Janis Ozolins)
This photo sums up the last 2 years of my life. I left a head coaching position at the lowest level of junior hockey because I wanted to “climb the ladder” as we call it in coaching. I thought I could “be more valuable” if I was coaching better, and more dedicated players.
Even if that were true, it was my ego talking. I was climbing the first staircase in the above photo… I thought I wanted to get “there.”
I wanted success and what came with that… Or so I thought...
But then I started applying for jobs and talking to coaches who were already “there” and my whole world changed.
I quickly woke up to many realizations...
I didn’t want to work for the coaches I was interviewing with
I didn’t want to “climb the ladder” doing it “their way.”
The system is broken
The “Success Staircase” will break “you”
Work “WITH” People… Not “for” People
You’ll learn a lot about people just by listening to their word choices.
“We want your job to be mainly recruiting players.”
“You’ll be in charge of this… I’ll do this.”
“You can’t do this.”
“You’re not ready to do this.”
“If there are any other jobs/responsibilities I want to give you, I’ll decide that later.”
“You’ll be working in my system, the way I want to do things.”
“This is how I deal with players…”
I don’t want to work for you… I’d much rather work with you… And when that’s not an option, neither am I.
Climbing the Ladder Doing it Their Way is Soul Sucking
I learned through interviewing that these coaches weren’t playing the game I wanted. And doing it “their way” was of no interest to me. It didn’t align.
Where I envisioned we collaborate and debate ideas, and build on top of them until the best idea was crafted… They envisioned I would just do things their way without question because I was the younger coach.
When they wanted my specific expertise in one area that they didn’t know well…
I wanted to solve problems together, build on top of ideas, and upskill each other in areas of deficit.
When they wanted me to be the “bad cop” so they could be the “good cop” because that’s how they think player relationships should be handled in 2021…
I found a way to quickly end the interview…
Yes, that actually happened.
What I quickly found out is…
A lot of the coaches I looked up to from afar were absolute fucking frauds that have no business being in the coaching business.
And then another bunch of questions became crystal clear…
Why would I sell out my belief system just to be an assistant at a higher level? Why would I go to work for someone I didn’t believe in? Why would I go to work “for” someone at all?
I quickly realized doing it this way would be a form of “selling out.” Biding my time with a coach I didn’t align with would have been soul-sucking. My first assistant job in tier 3 was with a coach I didn’t align with… and it was a massive energy draining existence for the 3 months I had that job.
Why would I sign up for it again?
Avoid the First Staircase
Become familiar with the “success programming” that lives on social media and in the thoughts of loved ones. They have been programmed to adore these false gods.
Why do you really want to coach? Why do you really play hockey? Why do you really enjoy the things you enjoy?
The things you really love aren’t done “for others”
They aren’t done for likes.
They are done for you. Because it “fills you up.” Make you feel alive.
Success games are draining.
Significance games are invigorating.
Let’s talk about how to play those games.
If you’re interested in the other 21 pages. Get it book download here: