Just as a coach’s wife hears stories, so does a dog trainer’s boyfriend.
My girlfriend walks into a new clients house to get the usual rundown of what is going on:
What is the client dealing with
What behaviors do they want to prioritize
What the first steps will look like
From the jump, this client would be different.
After 2 years in this profession, she’s starting to recognize when something is up. She knows just from how the dog is handled both on leash and in the house, the dog doesn’t like her owner.
Tiffany comes into the home, excited, happy and friendly. She has treats, takes her on walks and takes her fun places.
Dog likes Tiffany.
Tiffany also doesn’t reinforce jumping, play-biting, walking like an asshole on leash, etc.
Dog respects Tiffany.
The owner does not do any of these things.
Dog doesn’t like or respect her owner.
No wonder the dog starts listening to Tiffany after just a few short minutes.
How does this connect to coaching?
If you’re not liked AND respected… You aren’t going to get the most out of your players.
And before you get on my case about that old programming you heard…
A Coach Who Is Both
I was recently reading on the first few weeks of the Michigan hockey culture change under Brandon Nauruto. If you haven’t read these posts by Greg and Sam, check them out.
In Sam’s piece, Naurato speaks about a relationship with one player that really makes this clear (I’ve bolded the part to really bring your attention to)
Sam writes:
When Naurato sees a young player working on his game and making an effort to adapt to new coaching points, he has no issue with the occasional error: “T.J. Hughes, you tell him to do something in the defensive zone that he's never heard before, and he's trying to do it. And then if you're trying to do it, and then you're doing and you're having success, even if you're failing and you're trying to do the right thing, our coaching staff is cool with that, but it's it's like anything if you keep making the same mistake, you're not learning or you're not coachable. So we have to find different ways to try and get it through to you. And if we can't get it through you then it's either on us or they don't want to hear it. Which I don't think we have that issue…these guys are all students of the game and listening.”
If a coach can’t get through it’s either on you or the player doesn’t want to hear it.
If it’s on you as the coach, do this:
If they don’t want to hear it, they don’t like you, respect you or both.
Here’s my argument for being liked and respected.
It’s really simple. Think about the people you like AND respect.
Those are the people you like being around the most.
If you enjoy being around them, that gives the other person more touchpoints and chances to influence you.
So if you like and respect your coach, you’ll want to be around him. You’ll want to sit down and watch clips. I’m sure Michigan’s players don’t dread watching film with Nar, I’m sure they look forward to it.
If you just like someone, you’re not as open to being influenced by them. You have friends you’re not open to listening to.
If you just respect someone, you’re not going to spend the amount of time around them to get the most out of the relationship.
Better relationships, more touchpoints, more ability to change the hearts and minds of players. And more chances to co-create solutions with them.
That’s a flywheel you want to start spinning as fast as you can.
You want me to half-life this post is 3 statements… Here it goes:
The Old Guard rules over you when you don’t like or respect them.
The Average Coach wants to just be respected because that’s the belief he was told.
The New Wave knows to be BOTH.
P.S. If you want access to almost everything I used with my junior team, I’ve got a new and free resource for you:
Related Reading: Ryan Hardy was both with the Steel, Sam Hinkie… both
This is the way… This is The Wave