I’ve written about resetting strategies when mistakes are made in a previous article. If you have tried this strategy and it doesn’t work for you, let me present another strategy.
Related reading: Don’t Chase It…
Mental Model: Identity
First, the idea of identity. This is best described by answering the question, “who are you?”
It’s best to ask this question 5 or more times so you can identify all the roles you have in life.
I’ll use my 26-year-old former self as an example.
5 years ago I would have identified myself in this order answering the question, “who am I?”
hockey coach
boyfriend
son
brother
friend
I had a lot to learn about identity…
Where Identity Can Ruin You
You see my list. “Hockey coach” was on the top. So, every time a player got in trouble off the ice or I taught something at practice that didn’t transfer… I took it personally. It ruined a lot of my days.
Why did this happen? Because I identified as “hockey coach” above anything else. When you possess something, you overvalue it.
So self importance went to Level 1000.
Every mistake or misjudgment or wrong decision was magnified through this lens. I got cynical and depressed in short order. Everything was a personal attack.
I was really at war with myself.
It makes for a miserable existence, 10/10 do not recommend it.
How Learning About Videogames Can Help
Super Mario, Sonic the Hedgehog, Link from Zelda, or your character from Fortnite…
What do they have in common?
They aren’t you.
In a video game, it’s a 3rd person that messes up, so you’re a little upset at the moment but it doesn’t force you to talk to a psychologist 3 years down the road because you can’t get over not beating a “boss level” for 2 months.
Treat your life with some detachment like when you play as a video game character. You’ll see it more clearly.
Clear as day, you can see that your friend needs to break up with her boyfriend… She can’t.
When we’re under the weight of it all, it’s hard to see. When you’re too close to it, it’s hard to see.
Perhaps this is a chance to step back and reflect.
Would you beat your video game character up this much for struggling with a problem?
If you were giving advice to a friend about the problem, what would you tell them?
Another take on the concept is in this video: