How Can I Help? Question #2
I’ll keep doing a post for every question that comes in. We are rolling now with 2 questions in 2 weeks. If you need an outside perspective on a problem you faced this year, reply to this email and let’s keep helping coaches in the community! Today’s question comes from a New Wave Coach member.
He writes:
Steps/direction for when another coach does something you feel is out of line in front of team.
Address immediately privately?
Address immediately publicly?
Address after deliberation/thought privately?
Language to use to let coach know you have confidence in them and trust them while also disagreeing with behavior in a specific moment?
Back Story (What Doesn’t Work)
In my first year as a head coach in junior hockey I had an assistant that aligned with me on principles, standards, how things should be done, etc.
In my 2nd year… I had an assistant who was so far from inline with my philosophy that it created tremendous divide on the team.
And the 2nd year. What wasn’t suggested by this coach as an option(which is great) is what I did… I ignored and tried to “coach around” my assistant.
It doesn’t work. Don’t ignore shit.
What I Would Do Now?
I didn’t get the choice of my assistant the 2nd year when we didn’t mesh. It was kind of just provided to me. Challenge accepted.
I’ve gotten more courageous in the last 2 years and have significantly less tolerance for “bullshit.”
So I would have went to the owner, told him this guy was undermining me and said it’s him or me… I’m not working another day with someone that is out of alignment with this process.
That’s in an extreme case which I imagine the coach writing to me isn’t in. So here’s all the nuance because every case is different. Let’s archetype a few scenarios he might have been in.
The 1-Off Guy
Let’s say your AC loses it on a player in the locker room between periods and you have a strong culture.
If you have players that can look at other players and say, “that’s not how we do things here…” I’d suggest calling out the coach in front of the whole group.
If players are capable, you have to hold yourself to that standard.
If you’re culture is really strong, I’d love to see a player call out the AC… Put the hierarchies away… If a 16 year old can look at an adult and say, “you’re acting like an idiot.”
Give that kid a pizza party.
And if you think that’s disrespectful and kids can’t talk to their coaches like that… Well I disagree.
The Doesn’t Agree with 1 Drill/Idea/Concept Guy
You and your assistant have a great relationship, and then one day when you’re going over the practice plan, you notice he hesitates when you’re talking about a concept.
You both don’t go further into it and think all is well.
Then at practice you hear him talking to a player about doing it, “slightly differently than coach wants.”
Make note of it. Address it 1 to 1 after practice. Like right after practice. The longer you delay, the more you lean towards ignoring it. That is cancer. Treat it as such.
Ideas for How to Say it?
“Hey I noticed when we were doing that last drill you spoke to Tim about doing that “slightly differently, I’m curious what your idea of that looks like and why?”
Open a conversation, get their view, then go from there. If it’s a pretty harmless adjustment, you can even say, “that’s a great change, didn’t even think of it, let’s go with that from now on.”
That would be taking a page from Jocko’s book. Giving ground to gain ground in the future. You’re trusting them to go “their way” on something.
Infinite Spectrum
I gave an extreme case on both sides and one example in the middle. There are infinite possibilities of issues that might come up. But when in doubt, talk it out.
You can even lead with, “this conversation might get a little tough at times but it needs to be had.”
Let them know there is friction but we can work through it.
Some cases require immediate intervention in public. Others require the first one to one moment you can get with that person. And occasionally the problem will require you to pause and think about it alone or with an outside perspective before action.
There is no right and wrong and you’ll choose wrong sometimes, but that’s the evolution and growth of you as a coach.