Coach Assumptions vs. Player Reality
Assumptions do not equal reality.
Read it again.
Too often coaches are delivering feedback with the player silenced and unable to enter a conversation about what happened.
The players can give you valuable information you can use to make them better if you're willing to enter a conversation.
If you don't know what they saw, or felt, or why they did what they did... You only have your assumptions to go on.
That's a dangerous game and a sure-fire way to erode trust.
Talk “With” Them
There must be a dialogue between two parties to establish clarity on:
What event actually took place
What the player saw
What you saw
If the player was aware there were other options
Was the mistake you are about to give feedback on execution based or decision-based (in your opinion)
At any point in the conversation, if the player didn't see the option the coach wanted him to execute with his Xbox controller on the bench, the conversation should end.
If the player does not see that option repeatedly, that should clue you in as a coach to work on that particular detail with that player.
Let the player speak first so you don't lead them in a particular direction and so they don't feel like they have to say what you want to hear.
Framework
You can use a simple framework of questions until players understand what you want them to review on a particular play. Eventually, you'll get to the point where you can say, "review that play." and all this information will come flooding out of your players.
I saw this
These were my options
I would have done X next time…
You now understand:
Their reality
How much information they took in
If they already know the right play that you want them to make before you just tell them yourself